A list of the things my cat has done over the last 72 hours.

This is Connie.

connie-being-cute

My wife found her as a tiny kitten, barely a few weeks old, inside a rag bin where she worked. She brought Connie back to our place, and she’s been a vital part of our lives ever since.

She’s also the devil.

What will eventually come to be known an exhibit A.

What will eventually come to be known an exhibit A.

 

I mean she’s actually Satan’s earthly form.

This is a short list of things she’s done in the last seventy-two hours.

  1. Ran across the house, hopped up onto my desk, meowed at me and then ripped off the worst cat fart in recorded history. She DESTROYED that room for forty-five minutes. This is not the first time she’s done this.
  2. Woken from a deep sleep in order to bite my big toe.
  3. Woken ME from a deep sleep to bite my other big toe.
  4. Bolted her food and then wailed about the lack of food in her bowl.
  5. Barfed in her own water bowl.
  6. Barfed on my foot.
  7. Attacked my bigger cat Harry despite the fact that he’s four times her size.
  8. Traumatized Harry so badly he’s now hiding in my room.
  9. Eaten a phone charger cord (not plugged in).
  10. Gotten stuck in a drawer.
  11. Hidden inside a hat box on top of a wardrobe for the express purpose of bursting out of it once everyone else had gone to bed.
  12. Leapt off the wardrobe onto me when I didn’t wake up sufficiently.
  13. Woke me up at 5am because breakfast.
  14. She woke me up by biting me on the face. Again, not the first time.
  15. She did that by somehow getting into what I could have sworn was a locked room. I’m making this an extra point because I’m pretty sure she broke the laws of physics to do it.
  16. Run up my legs and onto my shoulder when she wanted a cuddle. With her pointy, pointy claws.
  17. Curled up, purring, on Harry’s favorite chair. Harry again traumatized.
  18. Run off with the touch pen for my surface. You might think this means it went missing and I blamed her, but you’d be wrong.
  19. Made a concerted effort to get trapped in the freezer.
  20. Turned into a furry angry glove when the tummy rubs she was getting became somehow insufficient.
  21. Attacked my foot…while I was walking past.
  22. Gotten into a fight with another cat.
  23. Gotten into a fight with a chair.
  24. Gotten into a fight with her own foot. It went something like this: “What’s this thing? I must bite it!” “Aaaargh something bit me, I will kick it in the face!” “Something kicked me! Bite!”
  25. Hidden inside my duvet cover.
  26. Shed enough fur to make a second evil cat who is also the Devil.

And is now curled up into a tight ball next to the heater, purring contentedly. Apparently the true path to happiness is being an evil furry little terror.

Still, Harry is no longer traumatized.

harry

 

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